Madam independent woman, do you understand the concept?

Here is the thing about being an independent woman, she decides what she wants, when she wants it, and how she wants it. It is never about the silly things people consider to be their source of independence. It is mythical that independent women are single and working. So many notions have been put in the minds of the young girls which mislead them to various forms of thinking. Ladies have been raised to be independent thinkers, surprisingly they always conform to the ideas of society when they grow up.

If society dictates this, we do it because it is expected of us. When our friends say that, we conform pap, despite the morals and standards we have as individuals. I am not saying that listening to friends is wrong, but what you listen to is up to you, what you decide to act on is also a personal decision.

Many at times as ladies we let go of ourselves, our beliefs because the people around us do not agree with what we do. We follow actions we absolutely despise, force ourselves into liking things that are absolutely horrifying to our inner beings, all in a bid to fit in with a group of peers or having the desire and need to belong. Our choices are always going to be a personal decision something we pick without wondering what so and so will think about it or what will they say. If you find yourself in a situation where you can’t make independent decisions, lady you need to sit down and ask yourselves some questions, like who are you and why are so bothered with what others think of you rather than your own happiness.

Where do these misconceptions about independence come from really?

Back to madam independent, who said moving in with your boyfriend constitutes for losing yourself or your independence. You have dated the gentleman for a couple of years and naturally he sees you as his wife to be, so why is the idea of living with him so repulsive?

I find it funny that ladies are willing to stay over at his place the entire week, move half their wardrobe to his space, so that once in a while they can say I have to go to my place and clean it and I will be back tomorrow. Just for her to carry some clothes back to her own home and pick more to bring over, and then she says ‘me I can’t move in with a guy’. So, why are you with him? The poor guy has invested his time, money, energy on you just for you to blow him off years later because you are insecure over what your friends will think or say. You will find her opinion is based on her friend’s experience. So who said this guy is your friend’s guy or probably it is purely based out of this I am independent thingy. It is absurd you spend a month and the next and the next but keep a place so you can tell your girlfriends ‘I just go for sleepovers. I can’t shack up with a man.’ What you doing though? I call it a living in.

Then there is this notion that to be independent you have to be working and man free. Really, I can name a couple of independent divas who have it all and are married with kids. I have watched them, met them or seen them on You Tube. Women who call a man husband, will cook for him and serve him, but out on the world they are powerful, strong, opinionated women, and when they stand crowds give them a standing ovation. Lemme mention a few of them starting off with the most famous; Michelle Obama, a phenomenal woman who makes a statement even before she speaks, wise and admirable. She is the definition of a diva who knows the power she exudes with or without Barrack by her side. Sheryl Sandberg, the COO of Facebook, author, activist and the first woman to serve on Facebook’s board of directors. Before the death of her husband, she was a wife, a mother and still ran the world through Facebook and

Let’s get closer to home now, Isabel Dos Santos, arguably the most successful woman in Africa, and number 2 on Forbes list of richest black women in the world right behind Oprah. The Angolan is worth close to $2.3 Billion yet she is married with three children and it has not put a stop to her success. Then here in our homeland let me just mention them in passing: Amina Mohammed, Amina Rabar, Julie Gichuru, Janet Mbugua, and Catherine Naliaka Watta (the founder, owner, and CEO of Texas Cancer Center). Not forgetting my mum, and probably yours too if she is a working and independent woman.

So these great women with all their achievements can be wives, be independent successful amazing mentors and people look up to them,. You there with no job you depending on daddy and boyfriend to pay your bills and you keep singing ‘I am independent,’ please bruh! You ain’t anywhere close to using that word or use the term ‘I can’t depend on a man’.

So recently someone asked me, if it is okay for your guy to pay your salon bill or sponsor your fare once in a while? Does it reduce your value as a woman? My answer is no, an independent woman knows who she is therefore, if her man offers to pay her salon bill she will accept cause she knows she did not ask for it rather he did it because he wanted to, because he felt like it. It does not reduce your value as a woman neither is it his intent to do so. If he feels like he should help you cover the fare in case it’s over a long distance or once in a while pay for your Uber, why do you have to make an issue out of it and cause drama? The bottom line is you are his woman, and if he wants to spoil you every once in a while let him, and don’t rain on his parade, making him feel guilty.

You are not less of a woman if you ask for his help when stuck. Your business not doing well enough, before you run to the bank for the loan with huge interest ask your guy if he is in a position to help you. Let’s face facts this will be a loan with 0% interest and you will still save your business. Seek advice from him when you have no idea what to do, it helps.

So here is the thing, being an independent woman does not mean you don’t cry or you have no weaknesses. It simply means you are strong enough to acknowledge that the weaknesses exist, that you hurt, that you can be heartbroken, you can acknowledge that you need people in your life, to accept that you did wrong, to apologize, embracing your faults, and being able to acknowledge them. An independent woman knows how to ask for help when necessary and celebrates her wins too. She is not arrogant she is proud of her achievements, she is humble but still sophisticated, she does not look down on people because she is not a bimbo.

If you are independent you only need you to know it and don’t have to prove it to anyone ever. Your friends, family may not see it but who you are inside says it all. When you look at the mirror you should see the diva you are or you are working to be. Don’t forget, a diva is the female version of a hustler.

FYI, I did not say you should now stress your guy by making him pay for everything, or you turn him into an ATM machine. I am saying it is okay to once in a while accept help from him or your friends, it is okay to say I don’t know what to do, or I need your help. it does not kill or make you less of a diva.


An afro-damsel addicted to books and literature. Lead content creator and Deputy Editor at A free thinker ready to pen different viewpoints on contemporary issues and exiting ideas generally speaking especially on women. Currently, she serves as the COO of Tsavo Media Group.

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