Recently, I stumbled upon an interesting book by Gary Chapman, The Five Love Languages. The main book being for couples, the author has written sequels for the book drawing his attention to singles and children respectively. But I was mostly interested with the one that is addressed to married couples more. Not that am married but it is something some of us look forward to if not all. My curiosity got the best of me and I delved into the book to find out what if offers. The book gives an insight on why most married couples get to a point where they either no longer feel loved or love their partners. It is not because they one day wake up and felt like they are no longer interested but it is because their love tanks are empty. Why? Because their partner is not speaking their love language.
Most times than not we tend to express our love in the same manner in which we saw our parents express their love. It is not because we are old fashioned but it is the only language we know and are familiar with. The underlying question is, do we know our own love language and do we know the love languages that we are supposed to speak and show? Probably not. Gary Chapman speaks about five love languages namely; words of affirmation, quality time, and receiving gifts, acts of service and physical touch. Let’s look at each.
Words of affirmation
Are you the type of person who constantly needs sweet words to be said to feel loved? Words like I love you, I appreciate you or anything that complements you as a person. At times it could be your partner telling you how well you prepared the meal, how grateful they are you took care of the kids and so on. Those words could have so much meaning to them than any other thing. A partner’s constant complaints on how you don’t express feelings to them through words, shows their love language could be words of affirmation. They need to be affirmed to feel loved.
This is mostly about spending time with your partner. Some people like having their partners around them most times. Sounds funny, probably asking yourself if it’s time that will feed the family. Look at it in the angle of either taking walks in the evening together, watching a movie, participating in something together or even cooking together. Doesn’t that make sense? That could be what gives them the assurance that they are loved and cherished.
Gifting is not an inborn thing and most times we have not perfected the skill of giving gifts because we also never got gifts while growing up. So buying your partner a gift wouldn’t cross your mind as something they like. But what if buying them something (it doesn’t have to be expensive) is what makes their heart skip a beat? Isn’t it worth it?
Acts of service
If they complain about not helping around the house with chores; be it helping with the dishes, cooking, washing clothes, taking care of the kids or even cleaning the house. My dear, you are not speaking their love language at all. Start helping out and watch complains fade away while love takes over.
This involves activities like touching, hugging and even getting intimate. reading a post by the infamous Bikozulu where he was talking on how sometimes you can notice your partner being grumpy or mad about something that isn’t worth getting mad at. When you dig deeper then you realize they are mad about something totally different (intimacy) and not what you are thinking. Once you fulfill their desire, the rainy clouds get sunny.
Asking yourself how you’ll know their love language? Be keen enough to check what they complain mostly about that you do not do. Sometimes it could be as easy as checking what they mostly do for you. Do they get you gifts always? Do they often do house chores and help around? Do they surprise you with a sweet message when you are at work or even at home? Their love language could be what they are expressing to you. They could be expecting you to do the same because how they are showing you what they need you to do. Love doesn’t just fade away it just gets starved and when it is fed it sprouts back to life. It’s not that she/he does not love you anymore, their love tanks are empty and rusty. Why don’t we ensure our partners love tanks are overflowing instead? Even a flower sprouts back to life when it is constantly watered.
You got time? Read the book.
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