The high standard woman problem

There is this question that has always wondered in my mind, but I have never gotten the chance to answer it. Most women will not understand why am not on their side and will probably call me a traitor. We are on different times compared to the days of our forefathers but want to still dwell on long gone traditions, and at the same time want to be part of the modernized community. Who are we playing games on?

We need to realize that as times keep changing so are the way we see and think about things. Take for instance the issue of arranged marriages. This is something we are all aware was done a long time ago and no one would want to get married through this kind of way.

So let’s delve on this disaster befalling our generation today. It can be through a random conversation with your girlfriends, or just ladies having a chit chat in the matatu or just a random debate of women saying how they cannot do wifely duties for a man that has not yet put a ring on their finger. It is always a non-ending debate between women who think there is no problem doing little chores here and there for their man and those that think it is totally wrong to do anything until they hear ‘I do’ in church.

Everyone is entitled to their opinion and it is quite important to respect how people think. We do not always have to agree and that is the beauty of life.  According to me, I really think women should get smart and stop acting like they are in the 1980s. We are in the 21st century and everything is tough on everyone. You do not expect a man to give you money for your hair, put food on the table, get you new clothes every now and then and most importantly provide security for you and when asked to wash at least a pair of their socks you jump in so fast to say you cannot do wifely duties.

Who do you think you are fooling? It is common sense that sometimes we women lack because we expect these men to do husband duties for us but cannot reciprocate when they ask. All those things he does for you are not his responsibility but your parents and your own, but he takes them up because he needs to show you and whoever is concerned that he cares for you.

How do you expect him to know that you can play your wifely roles very well if you do not do them for him? No one wants to take home someone they are not sure of. In most of the women’s defense, they will talk about standards. Saying that if you do all those roles for a man who has not married you, your standards as a woman get lowered. But don’t you think some standards are just way too much? Don’t these men have standards as well?

I know the society we live in makes the judgement and we are afraid to be viewed by fellow ladies as backstabbers. However, you should always remember your relationship is yours alone, and not with the fellow women or your friends. We need to stop expecting much from these men that are in our lives while we are giving less.

Just ask yourself what if you were the one doing all the wifely duties and he in turn does nothing for you, won’t you get tired eventually and find someone that appreciates your efforts? He might not have the courage to tell you but he might find the courage to leave you. They need women who can take care of them not women who want to be cared for but cannot reciprocate. GROW UP.



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Lilian musyoki

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